Vertigo ((For Lucifer))

[tryingitall]

Balthazar is born, with a clutch of a few thousand other winged siblings, around the same time the first multicellular organisms begin swimming in the Earth's primordial sea. A new type of angel, more delicate than multi-winged seraphim, not quite as flashy as a cherub, and tinier by far than the four Archangels. Ofanim, they're called, the Wheels, and they Never. Stop. Moving.

It wouldn't be hard to find the young angel annoying. He's an unstoppable fireburst of good-natured humor and interest in everything going on around him, and he's all over everything he can be. At first, he and the siblings his age are allowed to roam the planet a bit, Graces singing with delight at everything they see. Rocks! Look, they glitter! Oh, the scum on the water is the best shade of green! But the clouds, look at the shape and the way they move--!

Creation is just that amazing, evidently. Presumably the Father finds them endearing in their innocent delight, but it's not long before they have to be gathered back up into Heaven to be made into soldiers. Some of the Ofanim take to that well enough, but Balthazar's performance is spotty. Fighting seems to go against his grain in some fashion; he doesn't want to hurt anything. But he does have a fascination for Heavenly weaponry. That's a start, at least.

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[301pt81]

The planet was beautiful. The way everything worked in harmony, had a purpose, lived and died all by his Father's plan. The colors. The wind. Nebulae wasn't this perfect. Life was beautiful.

And yet, as wonderful as it was, Lucifer couldn't figure out why it was here in the first place. After all, his siblings were wonderful, but they each served a purpose. What did this planet serve other than to be it's own self-sustainable ecosystem? There had to be more to it, but... he wasn't going to question it. Whatever this place was here for, it was bound to be incredible.

While he could easily appreciate the beauty of life for hours on end, there were other matters to attend to and always some form of work to be carried out. Not that he got back to his duties with reluctance or anything. His own purposes were firmly set, so much so that he need not ever feel the need to question them.

But today's task was something a bit unexpected. It wasn't so much of an order as it was just a feeling- a want to go to the newest additions to their ever growing family. Something told him that he may as well check on them, even if he had never really shown much of himself among any of the younger angels. Today, he just felt like it. Upon finding them - the Ofanim they were called - he quickly spotted one that more or less hung to himself.

That alone was odd enough for anyone to pick up on. They were a family. A brood. There were no lone wolves in their pack, even if it was only in a socializing sense. He watched closer, trying to figure out why this angel felt the need to separate himself a bit for the time being. It seemed like the new ones were being introduced to a bit of violence today and that one was having a hard time catching on. On closer inspection, it almost seemed like he didn't want to catch on.

A pacifist in their midst? That's new. Refreshing as well, but he shouldn't think that way and neither should the new one. They have a task, a purpose, even if it may be unclear sometimes.

In only one beat of his massive wings, he was next to the new one with arms folded and eyes trailing him up and down, trying to find if perhaps he somehow wasn't fit for war. The idea was laughable and quickly proved wrong. This one had a strong, lean build. He would make a fine warrior... if he tried. "What do they call you, little brother?"

((ooc: Let me know if this is okay! I feel like I'm writing him so ooc because I'm trying hard to do this pre-fall. lol Also I have no idea what his name was before the fall or even if it's written down some where (but I'm pretty sure it's not Lucifer??) so forgive me for that, too!))

[tryingitall]

The little Ofan is in no way damaged or unfit. His wings are tapered for fast flight, tawny-gold, limned with fire and dotted with unblinking, lively eyes, most of them blue. He looks strong, and moreover he looks clever. He's not just sulking, not simply awkward. He's watching, trying desperately to understand something that makes no sense to him, but that the rest of his siblings seem to be able to accept without question.

It actually doesn't feel good to be the odd one out, and he's not sure he understands that, either. He thought they were all more or less the same. Maybe he's doing something wrong, but surely the Father would correct him if that were the case?

When the archangel lands beside him, his feathers flare, standing on end in a gesture of surprise. He knows this angel on sight, even if he's never spoken to him before. One of the Four, and widely regarded as the most beautiful, maybe the most beloved in the Father's eyes. He's tongue-tied for a long moment, Grace twisting and quivering shyly. As far as he knows, archangels don't exchange pleasantries with the younger set often. He thinks he's either being greatly honored, or he's desperately in trouble.

"I'm...the 97th of the 13th garrison, Brother," he manages to answer at last. "But most of the other angels just call me Pash, like they do the other young ones." Pash, the Enochian word for a child. Not that even the newest angels are technically children, but they're a few million years younger than the first couple clutches.



((It works fine for me! I thought a bit of a thread to establish how they got along before the Fall would be nice, but if you struggle too much just let me know and we can handwave some. Since 'Lucifer' technically means 'Lightbringer' or something similar, it may well have been his name from the start, but that's totally your call since you're playing him. My headcanon is Balthazar got his name around the time of King David, so he's going by his rank and serial number here.))

[301pt81]

Lucifer's not shocked at all by the reaction. If anything, he finds it a bit different from the norm. It's not like he just walks up to the younger angels often or even so much as interacts with them. This one's confused, shy, surprised- so many emotions rolling and tumbling through the new one's Grace.

He glances to the other Ofanim and back. For some reason, this one is different. Perhaps they all have small, subtle changes between them, but it didn't really seem that way. Did this one have some kind of purpose, or was he just another experiment like the Earth? Like all the Ofanim?

Curiosity officially piqued, Lucifer nods to the answer and decides to make a bit of a conversation out of this. "Pash." Child. What could this one's name possibly be in the future? He had to wonder. "What were they teaching you today?" The Child explaining in his own words might provide more insight into what exactly is so different here.


((I'm just not used to writing anything before the Fall - mostly because so many people have so many ideas of what it was like - but I'm loving this so far. I'll let you know if I hit a rough patch. And yeah, about Lucifer's name! That makes sense. I must have got the "other name" thing from Paradise Lost or something like that. Also, forgive my lack of headcanons. I picked Lu up not that long ago.))

[tryingitall]

Some of the Ofanim have different shades of wings and eyes, and they vary a bit in size, but by and large they're all much the same. And the others seem to be taking to the idea of battle quiet well, spinning and darting and crashing into one another gently in tentative sparring matches.

Pash doesn't mind the sparring matches too much. It's all motion and closeness and playing with his siblings. But he's perceptive, maybe, in a way the rest aren't. He doesn't want to damage them, and he can see how this kind of play could be a slippery slope leading to hurt feelings and broken feathers--or worse.

He looks shyly away from Lucifer, pulling his wings in close, looks toward the other Ofanim and their current teacher, a Seraph. "The Elder Brother said we were supposed to learn to fight, because we are made to be Warriors for the Father. I asked what fighting meant. He said fighting is for subduing or harming enemies."

He looks back up at Lucifer. "Aren't enemies things you hate? I don't have any enemies. I don't understand that part. Our Father made everything, didn't He? Why should anything He created be an enemy? Creation is so beautiful."

It's bold of him to dare ask this question, but the Seraph teaching them had no real answers, other than: because I said so. Pash has been trying, half-heartedly, but he can't ignore the logical fallacy, and he can't bear the thought of having to harm anything he holds dear. Which is everything.



((Sorry for the lag. I am loving this, also, just caught up with life. I guess I'm luckier with Balthazar, since he's purely pulled from SPN canon so I can play around with ideas for his history and worldview without having to take much Biblical or apocryphal lore into account. The archangels are hard to play, I imagine, for that reason!))

[301pt81]

Creation is so beautiful. Maybe that was what was really different. This one was filled with love, compassion, and caring. Lucifer could agree with him - creation is beautiful - but at the same time, he wondered why The Father would do this to such a creature. In a way, this was twisted and cruel. To love so much was to feel empathy and pain.

But surely Father wouldn't have done such a thing if there was something to worry about. Perhaps this Pash was merely meant to be a small, bright beacon of light for the rest of them. Something happy and kind for others to see and know there is love. Maybe that's why he was created.

Lucifer studies him for a long moment, perhaps even in a scrutinizing sort of manner. He doesn't really mean to look so serious most of the time; it's just how he is. "Your enemy - as is mine and Our Father's - is anything threatening to harm Creation. To destroy it. This may seem impossible, but there are some things too dark for words." Like the actual Darkness, though that was mostly a long forgotten memory with most, or the Leviathans, long ago locked in their cage and also forgotten.

Of course, there was also the notion of Free Will. The Father had granted him with the gift, but in the wrong hands, it could almost be devastating, if not enlightening. Lucifer wondered for a mere moment if this little one, this Pash, this new angel to their realm was also granted with this gift since he seemed to have so many questions. Or perhaps they all were and some just realized it more than others.

"A true enemy is something that wants to harm you or anything you love, but if Father will ever need of you to fight, then you must, Pash."



((It's okay! I'm really loving this, too, but life happens. And yeah, I really want to get deep into lore about Lucifer but oh my god that's a lot of work to put out for RP, haha! Not to mention the raised eyebrows I'm sure to get. Anyway, that's why I haven't really described much of his wings, but he's probably kept them hidden up until this point anyway. He'll show them off to you later, Pash.))

[tryingitall]

In his innocence, Pash is partly trying to determine why God would create anything bad. The Universe is not that simple, of course (and neither is the Father, perhaps), but he's a very young angel. And yes, still full to brimming with love and delight. Perhaps that's why the Seraph teaching them set him a part a little, to give him time to think and adjust, rather than punishing him.

Questions are gateways to Doubt, though. Maybe it's for the best that Lucifer has this opportunity to provide some guidance for the little Ofan. In any case, Pash seems to be hanging on his every word, rapt and struggling to make sense of it all.

He still can't see why an enemy like what Lucifer describes should even exist, unable to comprehend shadows cast by light. He does understand protection, though, and the glints of flame between his feathers kindle brighter at the explanation. He can defend Creation. If that's what this is about, that he can accept.

"Oh," he says. Then, "Oh! I didn't mean to refuse; forgive me. I think I see better, now. I'll try again. I'll learn, Brother."

For all that he's apologetic, though, he doesn't seem afraid of Lucifer's scolding. The archangel has been gentle so far. He feels privileged to have had his ear for even a few moments.


((And then I went on vacation! I'm at a hotel right now. When my schedule normalizes a little I should be more attentive to my tags.

Ooh, yes. Wings. Have I mentioned I love angelsib wingcuddles?))

[301pt81]

"No one accuses you of such a thing," Lucifer speaks slowly, almost reassuredly. Pash seemed more than eager to please, and he didn't want the little one to think he had done wrong. "One answer leads to more questions, and the more answers you get, the more innocence is lost. Our Father is all knowing, and He loves us dearly. Whatever may be bid of us, just know that it is always for the best."

The words somehow felt rehearsed to him. Lucifer loved The Father, of that there was no doubt, but sometimes the Mark pained him, and other times he wondered why he had to bear it. But it was for the best. If nothing else, it only showed that much more how dearly he was loved and much he loved in return. A sacrifice in the name of The Father. Sometimes that thought made him feel better about it.

"You're beautiful, Pash," he then continued, watching the sparks of flame dancing against the young one's feathers, "so filled with love and light. I know you'll learn, Little Brother, but don't lose sight of the blissful innocence. It's so rare."



((Have fun on vacation! And yes, omg, I love wingcuddlestuff. I'm going to have to headcanon hard so we can do that. ♥))

[tryingitall]

"And...innocence is important to protect?" Pash thinks that's the implication of Lucifer's explanation, and he's oblivious to the irony that he's phrased his response as a question. It does make sense, though. Knowledge is a heavy thing, he's been told. An angel burdened with too much of it might suffer the weight.

Some day he'll understand that's a metaphor, rather than literal truth. Right now he just wonders if too many answers make an angel too heavy to fly. That would be harsh.

Of course, Lucifer is a bigger angel, being an archangel and all, so he's clearly built to hold more knowledge. Pash can't help but feel grateful and a bit proud to have been trusted with a piece of it. "Yes, Brother, I'll remember," he says softly but eagerly, and if he were mortal he'd be breathless with hero worship.

And then that compliment! The smallest of his feathers fluff up; possibly it's the equivalent of a blush. Lucifer called him beautiful? The Morningstar himself? He bows, too flustered (and delighted) to speak for a moment. He won't forget this either, though, this moment of affection and approval.


((It was delightful! I love the beach. I have sunburn but it was worth it.))

[301pt81]

He could smile from the little one's question, but decides to really think on it for a moment before answering. "A certain kind of innocence is necessary, yes. The kind that you already have." A blind faith. Even Lucifer knew that not everything was as it seemed, but like he had said before: It was all for the best.

Pash didn't need to be weighed down with such thoughts, though. Any darkness might tarnish that light, and he found he wanted to make sure nothing would hurt it. So much love in one of their own, such that felt empathy for all, truly was a rare thing. Perhaps a lot of it would fade in time, sadly, but this little angel would always be decidedly different in his own beautiful way.

Lucifer's pleased by the young one's reassurance on the topic. Then he does something a bit unexpected. Bowing and looking away from him in such a peculiar manner, wings adorably puffing gently outward at his words. Pash suddenly seemed more shy than before, and it confused Lucifer. After all, he wasn't used to conversing with his younger brothers and sisters. He merely spoke the truth as he saw it. Was something wrong? He seemed to appreciate his comments, the delight coming off of the young one in waves, so what happened? "Are you all right?"



((Sunburns destroy me. I either don't get them or they stay for weeks. At least it was worth it!))

[tryingitall]

Innocence. Pash didn't know that was a quality he had in such abundance, but upon reflection, he supposes the nature of innocence is such that you're not supposed to be completely aware of it. Maybe he should try to forget about it? But Lucifer doesn't seem to think he's broken it yet, so he resolves not to worry.

Pash's wings are overall a smooth, tapered shape, but the feathers closest to his core are downier, and they curl up a bit when he's happily flustered, like now. The eyes dotting them blink more rapidly, too.

The young Ofan keeps his gaze fixed roughly around Lucifer's knee level, Grace both beaming and twisting. "Yes, Brother. I'm all right. I just...no one ever called me beautiful before. And everyone knows you're the most beautiful." He doesn't disbelieve the compliment; he's not that modest. Besides, the other Ofan are beautiful, and he's like them, fearfully and wonderfully made. Still, Lucifer being the one who said it makes it feel like a higher compliment than if it were spoken by a lesser angel.

"Thank you." It's almost a squeak, but he seems to pull himself together after that, managing to make himself meet Lucifer's gaze again.


((I go insta-pink in the sun, but this was a little worse than usual. Anyway, all is well now.))

[301pt81]

Lucifer doesn't argue with the compliment, nor does it impact him very much. He knows that he is beautiful and modesty isn't really his thing, either. Still, he understands Pash's emotional reaction better now. It may have brushed against his ego some as well, since the comment coming from him specifically was what made it so special to the little Ofan.

"You're welcome," Lucifer softly answers, beaming his own happiness now. After all, he made the little one feel such great things. He had been the first to recognize his beauty and tell him of it. He made Pash feel this way. Pride and delight flowed through him but in smaller, more controlled bursts than what the other seemed to feel.

"Others will see your beauty, too, Pash. This won't be the last time you hear of it." Either way, running into the young angel has made Lucifer happier for awhile to come. But he studies the wings again, blinking towards him as it were. "You will be strong, too. No doubt very skilled. You're going to be important, Pash. Just make sure you're ready for it. Don't be afraid to learn what your elders are here to teach."

His delight is still there, no matter what he says. And, no, he has no idea if the Father had planned anything for the young Pash, but He must have. There must be an important role for him. There must. A young angel, so loving and beautiful, with smooth, curious wings built strong and quick. All of the questions hinted at an intelligence and quick wit too good for most other angels. This one had to be special.

"If you have more questions, ones that others can't answer, you can come to me." Because he liked answering Pash's questions. He liked speaking to Pash in general. For a brief second, Lucifer wondered if the other angels, specifically the other Ofanim, would be this entertaining as well but quickly dismissed the idea. It was Pash's little difference that made him so special and endearing to Lucifer. That much was obvious.

[tryingitall]

There are brothers, and then there are Brothers. Lucifer is the biggest of Big Brothers, save Michael, and Pash has never met him. Truth be told, they probably wouldn't get along well. Michael has many good qualities, but where he sees things in black and white, this little one sees them in miraculous, blazing technicolor.

If he were a young mortal creature, he would be inclined to hug Lucifer, for the answers, the affection, the building-up of his confidence. Instead, he basks in the rippling delight of the archangel's Grace; it feels like the sun pouring down on the planet below them. He's beyond awed by the invitation to speak with Lucifer again, but this time it's something more than awareness of what an honor it is to have the attention of one of the Four. Lucifer seems to like him, and he likes Lucifer, and maybe that makes for a connection between them.

He'll have to come up with good questions, to be beyond the Seraphs' ability to answer, but for the sake of an excuse to come visiting this brother again, he'll do his best. Without losing innocence. That'll make for a delicate balancing act. "I will! As long as it's all right with you."

And in days to come, Lucifer might find a bright, feathery little tagalong visiting him on occasion. Hanging back so as not to be a nuisance, but quietly devoted and wanting to see him as often as possible.


((Did you want to do another fluffy scene with them or move on to the Fall?))

[301pt81]

"Of course." There may be times when Lucifer is away from Heaven and the planet. In the past, those trips have never bothered him. In all honesty, it still didn't, but he couldn't help feeling a bit sad to not be here in times when Pash may need him.

But he shouldn't feel that way. He shouldn't feel any of these ways. Pash, too young of an angel to even have a name, was not even close to his equal nor, for that matter, his responsibility. It was up to a select few Seraphs to teach these Ofanim their ways. If the young angels didn't understand, that wasn't Lucifer's problem. To have shown himself to Pash at all was an honor too great for such a small thing.

At the same time, the want to see Pash, to protect him from the worse things in Creation, couldn't be ignored. This one was very special and, as such, Lucifer had been drawn to him. It was too late to lecture himself now. If others talked, he would ensure that their words would be inconsequential to either of them. If Michael had a problem with it, well, that would just have to be Michael's problem. "I wouldn't offer such a thing if I were not okay with it. You're more than welcome to come to me, Pash."

The bright, feathery tagalong was always noted and seldom ignored. Sometimes Lucifer liked to see what Pash would do if he didn't acknowledge him, especially if he happened to be busy, but still keeping an eye on him to gauge the little one's reactions. More often than not, Lucifer openly welcomed his company, quietly wondering to himself whose beauty any onlookers were more in awe of. The brilliant glow that radiated from Pash's love and delight never failed to captivate him at least.


((I'm open to doing another fluffy scene, because this has been ridiculously cute so far, if that's all right with you! I'm looking forward to the Fall, too, honestly.))